This morning I had to put Maddie (Our family dog) down. She was suffering from being blind, severe arthritis, and dementia.
It was hard. Driving her to the vet was another feeling hard to explain. questions were running through my head like, "Does she know where she's going? Does she know what is happening to her?" I got to the vet in Castroville, Ca and a lady stopped to take a glance at me after talking to a nurse there. She had no idea, nor did I say anything about what was going on. Maybe she read the tears in my eyes. As this same unknown person started to cry, she tells me, "I'm sorry. They are a member of the family." See I appreciate she stated, "They," not "It."
Soon after, two nurses and myself went to go get Maddie from the truck. She was shivering, shaking, and had no mobility since the night before. The nurses got her on a trolley and they wheeled her back into a room.
The doctor came in and stated she had dementia, and confirmed the arthritis. The doc also stated it is her time and this was the right thing to do. Maddie was in so much pain. The doc got the shot ready. I took off my cross and held it on Maddie. That shot was hard to swallow mentally. I looked at this and stated, "This is it. This is it..." The shot was administered. It happened so quick. The doctor and nurse in the room gave me a hug and stated I can stay as long as I needed. The doctor gave me a hug and stated, "I know. I know how hard this is."
I just stated that I will stay until she passes. The nurse listened to her heart beat and replied, "She had passed." I said, "Thank you. I need to go now." I left. On the drive home, I had spiritual shocks. I knew it was Maddie telling me not to worry she's okay. I went home, took a shower and told my mom I needed to take a drive.
It's funny, my mom simply said to me, "Thank you for doing this. It is hard." I said, "No problem." I left and saw my director (Francine Stewart) checking up on me through text. Ironically, I saw this text at 11:11am, and the song that came on the iPod in this moment was "Paint it Black," by The Rolling Stones. WTF! What lesson had to be learned here. Well, angelic meaning of 1111 is to keep your thoughts positive. So, I thought about Maddie in Heaven, and that my dream of publishing my book will happen.
When I was thinking about the book, I find it just a tad funny that I thought about the main character's struggle of the loss of his mother, and how their is a type of struggle between him and his sister (kind of like a grudge). I come to the fact that unknowingly parts of my personal life is added in this book. I got loss, fear, humor, adventure, and struggle.
Oh, in memory of losing Maddie this morning, I placed a link of my three year old daughter Lizzie singing Sunshine with her grandma. If you notice, Lizzie glances over her back, because G.G. stated before the video, "If you sing, the blue belly lizards will come out again." Maddie where ever you are. We all love you, and you will be missed. May you forever run on clouds of meadows and eat your fill in food, until we meet again.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this,
Dustin
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